Sunday, June 28, 2009

5 signs that a marriage will crash and burn (as stated by a wedding planner)

I plan 50 to 80 weddings per year. And let me tell you, I've dealt with all types of brides — from those who were more obsessed with me than with their fiancé because they had seen me on the Style Network's Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? to women who called the whole thing off with just a week to go.
Crazy brides aside, planning such a big day means I get to witness behaviors that a couple doesn't always reveal to others. And over the years, I've deduced that certain actions — as trivial as they may seem — are predictors of whether a couple will live happily ever after or bite the dust. These red flags that pop up during the planning process tell me a couple doesn't have a shot in hell at making it.

The Bride refuses to let the Groom choose the cake
It's true: Brides are almost always more interested in the minutiae of wedding planning than grooms are. But when I encounter a woman who refuses to relinquish any control to her fiancé, it doesn't bode well. I can think of a few instances in which the woman ruled the event with an iron fist and the couple ended up in divorce court a few years later. Basically, they weren't able to make decisions together.
On the flip side, it's a positive sign when a bride takes the time to understand which part of the wedding is most important to her groom and then gives him full say in that area. A couple I worked with years ago — who happen to still be very happily married — serves as an example. He couldn't have cared less about the flowers, color palette, and hors d'oeuvres, but he was completely obsessed with the cake. When it came time for the tasting, the bride said, "Let's get whatever you want." Whether it's the cake, the photographer, the open bar, whatever, a bride who lets her almost-hubby have some say proves she's empathetic, and a guy who wants his taste to count shows he's not aloof — both necessary traits for the relationship to pan out.

The Groom Lets His Mom Call the Shots
Most of my brides involve their moms in the planning process, and why wouldn't they? It's like having a second planner for free. But sometimes, grooms' mothers try to muscle in too, which is something I'll never understand. Not only is it inappropriate, but it's up to her son to tell her that.
Unfortunately, I've seen quite a few grooms chicken out. In one case, a domineering mom wanted nothing to do with her future daughter-in-law's Indian heritage and argued that it shouldn't be part of the wedding. Thinking it would only make things worse, her son didn't put up a fight on his bride's behalf. Watching him let his mother walk all over the woman he supposedly loved was heartbreaking. If the groom had put his foot down in the first place, there's a chance his mom would have gotten the message. Because he didn't, she is still trying to rule their life and putting stress on them that could lead them to break up.

The Bride Blows Half the Budget on Her Dress
I will never forget the look of fury and horror on one client's face when his future wife revealed she'd spent most of their wedding savings on a designer gown. Weddings are pricier than ever, and money-related issues can cause a lot of undue tension. So when a bride goes behind her groom's back and splurges on a big-name dress or expensive flower arrangements, I start to get nervous. It's a huge sign that she doesn't respect him and refuses to compromise...and trust me, those tendencies don't disappear after she walks down the aisle. I have worked with tons of couples who fought viciously over the wedding budget and learned later that many of them continued to argue and eventually split.
Recently, I signed on with a bride and groom who really impressed me. Throughout the process, if the bride wanted to spend extra on something, she would call her future husband, and they would discuss if it was worth it. She wasn't giving him full veto power, mind you, but she was showing regard for their union. I'm guessing they have real staying power.

The Bride Freaks Over the Groom's Bachelor Party
I've seen some women wig out about the possibility of her guy having a boys' night at a strip club. One client of mine even threatened to leave her fiancé if he had a bachelor party. But my motto is: If you can't trust him, why the hell are you walking down the aisle?!
The women who tell their man to have fun and don't grill him for details seem secure and confident in their relationship...and from what I've seen, that trust makes for a lasting marriage. On the other hand, the brides I work with who give their man the third degree either are really insecure or know their guy can't be faithful. One woman got so crazy over the thought of her fiancé going to a strip club that she threw a big fit and he canceled his plans. She'd made a big deal because she was afraid he would stray. Well, she ended up being right — I heard they separated a few years later because he wasn't faithful.

The Bride and Groom Fight in Front of Me
No matter how in love two people may be, planning a ceremony and reception is overwhelming and will no doubt cause a few tiffs. But warning bells immediately start ringing for me if the couple gets really heated with each other in my presence. Arguments are private, and dragging me into them shows that there is a lack of respect for each other and for their bond.
Once I was meeting a couple for the first time for a consultation — something I like to do before taking on new clients. I would ask the bride what kinds of things she wanted to include in the wedding. Anytime she said something, the groom would say, "That's stupid. We aren't doing that." Right then and there, I knew I couldn't take them on as a couple. I was unable to plan an event for people I knew wouldn't last. Sure enough, I heard later that they had divorced soon after getting married.

Our wedding is far from being perfect. So much more during our preps. We argued - a lot! We talk things out and eventually work out all the kinks.
For those still preparing for the wedding, keep this in mind, a wedding lasts for a day while a marriage lasts a lifetime.
So don't sweat the small stuff in your preps. Let it go. Let love lead the way.

Monday, June 22, 2009

marriage and scissors

Marriage resembles a pair of shears - so joined they can not be separated, often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who comes between them.

I don't remember if I have blogged about this before but I so heart this quote that's why I am (re)posting it here.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

happy fathers' day tay!

My tatay, for those who knew him, was a very quiet person. At di ba nga ang tahimik mas mabangis? Kaya nga tingin pa lang nya tiklop na kami agad. Di na nya kailangan pa magsalita we just knew. Syempre behave naman kami agad.

Akala ng marami si tatay kuripot. Pero not to us. When he was still working lahat ng kaya nyang bilhin for us binibili nya. Lahat ng request namin sa kanya pag-uwi nya for sure meron syang dala.

But like most old-school dads si tatay rarely shows his feelings. Pero alam ko mahal nya kami. One instance I can vividly remember was when my heart got broken. Balde-baldeng luha ang iniyak ko dito. Walang hiya-hiya basta bigla bigla na lang akong umiiyak na parang luka-luka. Si inang would hug me etc...Si tatay quiet lang. Pero he was always there for me. He wasn't crowding me naman pero during that time na kaaway ang tingin ko sa opposite sex I felt na kakampi ko sya. He'd see to it that I was eating. He'd peek at our room to see if I was sleeping pag madaling-araw na and gently remind me to sleep na. Small things na tumatak sa isip ko.

One thing I regretted when I got married was that my tatay wasn't there to walk with me down the aisle. Ang lungkot nun. Pero alam ko naman wala man sya sa tabi namin nun he will always be in our hearts.

At ngayong fathers' day miss na miss ko na sya!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

and the doctor said...

I finally brought V to the pediatrician. She started getting sick thursday afternoon. I had to stay up all night because she was so hot already. I was thinking of bringing her to the doctor when morning comes. But by friday morning she felt better already. Like she didn't get sick at all. So the trip to the doctor was cancelled. But before the day ended she was feverish again. I spent another sleepless night by her bedside. At the back of my mind I was thinking of dengue. But what I really suspected was tonsilitis for V kept on complaining about difficulty in swallowing.
So anyways, off to the pedia we go. V was quiet all throughtout our travel. I was thinking that she must really be feeling bad for V rarely shuts up. Turns out, she did feel bad but the reason for her sudden clamming up was because she was nervous. She confessed that this is her first time to go see the doctor. Her parents (the one before us) just took care of her at home whenever she got sick. And since her secret is out she begun asking questions...what is that thing that the secretary stuck up her armpit? What does it do? What will the doctor do when she sees me? What will happen inside the room? etc,etc...I had a lot of explaining to do.
At last after waiting for a few hours our turn finally came. The doctor interviewed and examined V. She even got to lie down the examination table. Then she received some lollipops (to be eaten when she feels better) for being a good girl. And the doctor's verdict: tonsilitis.

Monday, June 15, 2009

mommy thoughts from jamie lee curtis

As a parent, you have to look at how much time you are spending with your kids. There is nothing you will regret more in your life - nothing- than not being present for your children.
-jamie lee curtis

Saturday, June 13, 2009

PTA meeting at ang pagsugod

I survived my first Parents-Teachers Association meeting! At eto pa ha di lang nagsurvive kundi naiboto pang officer! hehe.. kung alam lang nila...
During the meeting we found out na more than the said number of students per class pala ang mga grade 1. So syempre affected ako dito. Grade 1 si V eh. 22 na sila per class. Madami na yun ha! Eh sa mga early enrollees sabi 15 lang daw. Ako naman when I enrolled V sabi 15-20 daw. Pero now 22 na at may parating pa. Aba di naman pwede yan. Kailangan makibaka. I proposed to make a letter to the administrator about it. Pero na-hyper yata ang mga kapwa ko magulang at gusto kausapin agad si admin.. Ayun after the meeting go kami agad sa opisina. Sugod mga mommies!
So ang siste, di na kailangan pa ng complaint letter, maghahire na lang ng additional teacher and yung original na 2 classes for the Grade 1 mahahati into 3. Ayos! Mas matututukan ang aming chikiting.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

usapang kusina at in-laws

My contribution for wife speaks.

1. Kung ang mother in law mo ay isang dish or ulam, ano siya? Pwede mo rin sabihin kung bakit, pero kung ayaw mo, okay lang.
Ginisang ampalaya with egg. Kase when I was still single I don't eat this. Di ko ma-take ang kapaklaan. Pero now that I'm married kasama na sya sa menu na hinahain ko sa family ko.

2. Ano ang madalas ihandang pagkain kapag may party sa bahay ng in laws mo?
Grilled anything and everything

3. Ano ang pinakamasarap na pagkain na nailuto ng in laws mo?
Wala. She doesn't cook for us naman. Si hubs ang taga-luto nya.

4. Anong pagkain ang nailuto mo na para sa in laws mo?
Wala din yata.

5. Meron bang dish na itinuro sa iyo ang in laws mo, either traditional family meal or paborito ng iyong asawa?

6. Mahalaga ba sa in laws mo na matuto kang magluto bago kayo nagpakasal ni Hubby?
Wa sya care. Kase magaling naman si hubs magluto eh. So siguro alam nya di magugutom ang anak nya

7. Anong eating habits ng in laws mo ang na-acquire mo na rin through the years?

8. Meron ka bang unforgettable kitchen moments with your in laws?

9. Binibigyan ka ba ng cooking tips ng in laws mo? Ano-ano ito?
Kase nga si hubs ang tagaluto nya nung binata pa si hubs. And nung buhay pa si FIL sya naman ang may kitchen duty.

10. Ano ang paboritong pagkain ng father in law mo?
di ko na sya inabutan eh.

11. Mahilig ba sa desserts ang in laws mo? If yes, anong hilig nila?

12. Pagdating naman sa inuman after meals, “Go” ba sila or “No”?
hmmm..ang alam ko lang like ni MIL ang red wine.

13. Saan madalas mag-dine out for family dinners ang in laws mo?
Max's at Shakey's

14. Mahilig ba sila sa exotic food? If yes, ano-ano ito?
Not that I know of.

15. Lastly, masasabi mo bang bonding moments are “food moments” mo with your in laws?

Sunday, June 7, 2009

cash it!

Watching a showbiz talk show can be rewarding. Sometimes.
I was glued to the TV this afternoon (breaktime ng study session with V) and they were doing a segment on the latest controversy about the Arlene Manalo and Jose Manalo controversy. And Kris Aquino said something to this effect: Don't buy something if you can't afford to pay for it in cash. ...Hubs and I live by this principle too! Eversince we received more financial blessings from the Lord it has been a spoken agreement to refrain from using the credit card. The only regular credit card expenditure we have is the one for the charity that we are supporting. They debit from the CC monthly. Other than that we rarely use it...hmmm..I don't even remember if the card was used this year. I don't want to be all preachy here but this has worked for us. Hubs has eradicated the false pretense that the card gave him. He is more attuned to his expenses and has become more capable of sticking to the budget.

adobong sitaw recipe

Cooking adobo has been a tricky task for me. I just can't seem to get the perfect combination of the vinegar and soy sauce. But yesterday I copied this recipe and it tasted wonderful! So I'm spreading the news.

250 g ground pork
2 bundle of sitaw (cut into 1 inch long)
1 bay leaf
1/4 c vinegar
3 tbsp soy sauce
1 head garlic (peeled and crushed)
1 onion (peeled and thinly sliced)
groud black pepper to taste
2 tbsp cooking oil
2 hardboiled egg (this is what the recipe called for but I altered mine and used 3 instead!)
cilantro and red pepper flakes for garnish

Place the garlic, onion, pepper, bay leaf and pork in a pan.
Pour the oil on it.
Mix in the vinegar and cook over medium high heat until it boils.
Pour in the soy sauce.
Simmer for 10 minutes.
Add the sitaw.
Simmer for 10-15 minutes.
(optional: add 1/4 c water...I added about 3 tbsp of water to my version)

Instead of cooking pork adobo, the main ingredient here is the sitaw. This is because I wanted to serve healthier food to my family.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


Today we are celebrating 18 months of being married. In other words, one and a half years! Yey!
I love you dada myspace graphic comments
Myspace I Love You Comments & Graphics

Related Posts with Thumbnails